Bullet Brings Back Memories

So I just finished reading a book called "Bullet" by Jade C. Jamison and let me tell you, that is a fantastic book. It's raw, it's edgy, it's painful and full of emotion. It pissed me off and drew me back in all over again. I love a book that can do that to me.

But something I wasn't expecting it to do was take me back to a time in my life I thought I had blocked out.

Let me start by saying I love my boyfriend, Chad, who I've been with for four years. He's my everything but this book took me back to a time before I had met Chad. A time that I thought I had long since locked away.

Back when I was in high school, you know, when I thought I knew what love was, I met a guy who was in a band. That's actually how I met him. We had talked on MSN messenger (see how far back this was?) and we decided to meet up at the local fair. I was such a goody-good back then, not that I'm some wild, crazy thing now. But the guy I was meeting up with was a far cry from my normal dating genre.

He had long hair and was in a band. But not just any band, a metal band. I had never even listened to this music before him but he opened my eyes to a whole new world that I never knew existed.

He took me to local shows, since he was a guest appearance in his friends' band and was actually the bassist in his own. I was intrigued to say the least so I thought, hey, why not? I went with a friend, though, in case it got weird.

I thought I was truly in love. I became a totally different person with him. I started listening to metal music and only metal. I started dressing differently and my attitude sucked. But here's where this post gets personal. This was the guy I lost my innocence to. He was my first and looking back now, I don't regret it but I know I should've waited.

We went through a lot in the eight months we were together. I slowly started to realize that he had no desire to do anything outside of music. He had no job, no car, no license, none of it. He was, for lack of a better word, a mooch. He always had to get money from his parents or friends and I always had to drive us to wherever we were going, dates included.

He did things with his friends that I would never have done. He drank and did recreational drugs, who knows what else. He also cheated on me. Needless to say my trust was broken beyond belief.

It cause a lot of issues in my home life, being with him. I fought with my parents constantly. Being raised in a religious home, I knew my parents didn't agree with my dating him and I was determined to be a rebel child and show them that I didn't care what they thought. It tore me and my mom away from each other and it took us a while to get our closeness back.

But no matter what he did, I always forgave him and told him it was ok. We broke up once and I took him back, set on letting by gones be by gones. But after the broken promises of changing and being a different person, I knew it was time to cut ties and move on. He was not good for me. He was simply holding me back.

And that's when I met Chadwick. And he showed me what true love really is. Sure we've had our hiccups, our fair share of break ups and mendings, but I truly feel like he's the one. We've been through hell and back and this last time, when I finally heard him say "I was miserable without you. You're my everything", it really drove it home for me and I knew it would be just us forever. Who knows if we'll get married? Who knows if we'll have a family? Right now I'm just ok with the two of us being in love.


All of what I described happens in the book Bullet but to a much greater extent. I refuse to post spoilers because I really am telling you, go read it! You won't be disappointed. I loved how much I connected to this book. It was almost like she'd written it for me. And for that, I love her. It was incredible to look back and see how great my life has become since making the same choice Valerie makes. 

Thanks a lot, Jade. You really had an impact. :)